Travelling… somewhere, somehow

With today being the Feast of the Nativity of Our Most Holy Lady the Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary, we heard the Gospel text that is read for the Feasts of the Theotokos, Luke 10:38-42, 11:27-28:

At that time, Jesus entered a village; and a woman called Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve you alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”
As he said this, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, “Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts that you sucked!” But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

With me being in one of those anxious stages, the words in the title of this blog post stood out for me particularly tonight. As did Father’s sermon in which he echoed, “One thing is needful,” after his various points. Of course, perhaps easy said that done, but it is good for me to be reminded, and it was emphasised on my drive home as I listened to Fr Thomas Hopko talk on Anxiety and Fear, that God does command us to not be anxious, to not be fearful [of course there are nuances there which I thought Fr Thomas covered very well] , and the promise God gives of caring and providing for us, and moreso the fact He loves us, which are comforting words to ponder as I consider my anxiety and how it plays a destructive part in my life and my health.
[And I'll have to download his latest podcast, The Gate Facing East. which is on today's feast; the Gate facing East being a reference to Ezekiel 44:1-4 which is in the Orthodox Church a symbol of Mary who contained God and remained Virgin.]

In addition, much else to praise God for today. Our submission to use a property we bought as a church for a church [we currently rent a hall] was accepted by the council last night — thanks be to God. Also, thanks be to God for a good friend who helped me more than they could know today, and thanks be to God to the wonderful person who sent me a lovely book and wonderful postcard. And while it was jarring, thanks be to God for showing me some unhelpful and even unkind behaviour I was unintentionally displaying at work: by His Grace, and your prayers, I pray I can make a change.

A Blessed Feast Day to all, particularly to all those named Mary!

Troparion (Tone 4)
Your birth, O Theotokos, brought joy to the whole world,
for from you dawned the sun of righteousness, Christ our God.
Freeing us from the curse, He gave us His blessings.
Abolishing death, He granted us eternal life.

Kontakion (Tone 4)
In your holy birth, Immaculate One,
Joachim and Anna were rid of the shame of childlessness;
Adam and Eve of the corruption of death.
And so your people, free of the guilt of their sins,
celebrate crying:
“The barren one gives birth to the Theotokos, who nourishes our life.”

For the seemingly small things…

An unexpected phone call.

A comforting e-mail.

A shoulder to lean on.

A friend who understands.

A conversation with a barista.

A kind comment.

A delicious dinner [not cooked by me I add! ].

A fun novel.

A challenging call in a religious book.

A new day.

The sound of rain.

The hope, the faith, that there is a purpose in all of this.

With my head in a funny place, and me knowing myself and my recovery time, I’ve decided my grand plans of Syria and Lebanon on my own after Oberammergau are probably not the best thing for me. So I will book a flying visit to Germany for a week and then head back — and look to a visit to the Middle East next year. May take an extra week and just relax here somewhere.

Not disappointed in any great sense; more disappointed at the balls-up I made of time today with my nieces, sister and brother-in-law late this afternoon — culminating with something snapping inside me [no excuse, just explaining...] and out came a word I generally do not like to hear, let alone use. After a good half-hour of crying and thinking, of a whole load of things, I am in a better place — but still annoyed and moreso disappointed at myself; at least it reminds me of how broken I am, and in need of grace. I hold on to God’s faithfulness; it’s all I have.

And tomorrow is another day.

My second niece, Eden, turns 2 today; I can barely handle Skye being 5 and at school — I cannot believe Eden is 2. Luckily Jessie is 6 months, which does not seem as bad: though I know she’ll be in school before I know it.

My sister and her family, with some people from her church, are off to the nearby regional park; I’ll drop by for a while. My social anxiety seems to have reached a peak, which in a sense is a good thing as I know it should level out or reduce — and at least knowing what it is gives me some comfort. The flip side is I did not, again, go to my church: I drove on towards the city where I indulged in a breakfast [corn fritters and a cappuccino] before heading off to a Catholic church where I stayed until after the sermon as I started getting nervous and drove back home. Not really looking forward to work tomorrow, but avoidance can make things worse — so it is probably better to face it head on. If only I did the same for church.

Anyway…that is tomorrow. Now, I’ll make a prawn sandwich and pack some fruit, and head off to give Eden her presents: two books and a dress.

After a start to the week that is best forgotten [and comments appreciated and advice attempted Dith], I took yesterday and today off work. It was hard to do, but I think the right thing to do as I wasn’t achieving much or being particularly pleasant [stress/anxiety brings out my inner snapper].

Yesterday, on a cool and windy day, I drove up to Palm Beach, travelling a different way as I stopped off for an indulgent iced chocolate from San Churro at Parramatta. I had a nice toasted sandwich with a gigantic vanilla malt milkshake, which I finished off with a rather nice cheesecake. After walking along the mostly deserted beach, I scrambled over some rocks watching the waves crash and birds fly. I then visited my sister, brother-in-law and nieces where I read The Saggy Baggy Elephant before heading home.

Today I picked up two new [for me] Terry Pratchett books from the library after reading the third in the series before heading off to the Cumberland State Forest for a very nice lunch and dessert [steak with baked potatoes and vegetables and lemon lime bitters, followed by a decadent chocolate tart and a flat white], followed by some walks in the state forest. It is a very nice area, my first time there, of forest within the Sydney area.

Two wonderful days. Thanks be to God.

One thing I ask of Yahweh,
one thing I seek:
to live in the house of Yahweh
all the days of my life,
to enjoy the sweetness of Yahweh
and to consult him in his Temple.

…

Yahweh, hear my voice as I cry!
Pity me! Answer me!
My heart has said of you,
‘Seek his face’.
Yahweh, I do seek your face;
do not hide your face from me.

Psalm 27:4, 7-9a, Jerusalem Bible

I am making my way, slowly by my standards, though a bit faster than recommended by the author [dwell a week or more on each], through the Psalms with the help of the wonderful Christ in the Psalms. Thanks to Michael for his review which had me exercising the credit card and buying it.

It has been a most wonderful help not only to get me in the habit of reading, praying, the Psalms, but also leading me to a deeper understanding of them. Today was Psalm 27 [26 LXX] and the verses above particularly spoke to me. In the previous Psalm I read, “I love the house where you live, the place where your glory makes its home.” [26 [25 LXX]: 8]; while of course acknowledging God is everywhere and in all, His Church, the gathering of God’s people as well as the building, is a special place for me; though given I haven’t darkened the door of mine for a few weeks you wouldn’t know it. But there is that desire, which, by your prayers, I pray I can fulfil this weekend.

I had a most wonderful Saturday; the most wondrous day I have had for a while.

I visited my Godfather/Sponsor in the Orthodox Church, a man younger than me, from 9:30 to around 20:00. His wife had made a most scrumptious breakfast, the table groaning under the weight of the delights that lay there: thick pancakes; toasted ham and cheese sandwiches; cucumber, tomato and cheese; Lebanese bread; and an assortment of pastries. Needless to say lunch, at a nearby Japanese restaurant [various meat on skewers for my Godfather; vegetable and prawn tempura for me] was late and a struggle to get through. I had the joy of catching up not only with my Godfather and his most wonderful wife, but also in seeing their year-old son whom I have not seen for about a year.

It was a most blessed day; my Godfather and his wife are two of the most wonderful people you could ever hope to meet: and I feel particularly blessed in knowing them and in having W as my Godfather. After breakfast, and their suggestions to me of where to go and how to go in Lebanon and Syria, I showed them my photos from my holiday to Istanbul and Georgia last year and they showed me photos of their latest trip as well as of their son’s first birthday. I also spent some time walkng, eating lunch and talking with W, and he is a great and wise man in worldly and spiritual matters and I greatly appreciated that I can ask him for advice. As the night drew on, we watched the election tally, while he fed his son, and we talked and enjoyed watching his son eat.

I am blessed with good friends. And I am thankful to God for them. Particularly at moments like this where I am struggling to get through a day at work, and a day like today where I was bursting into tears and avoiding people by going outside — how pathetic. Truly. I just am so lost in a sense. I know I am blessed in all my employer has done for me, and I see that I am well-liked: should that make it easier? I don’t know. Perhaps it should. But each day is a struggle, and when you wake up at 3am in an anxious state about the day ahead it does not help.

I’ve made my decision: and I know, well I hope, it was the right one. It is not set in stone, but at the same time I should not rush to change it — especially when I am feeling as I am. But, and apologies for sounding like a whinger and whiner, but I can only say how it is: and at the moment each day is a hard slog.

Looks like we may have a hung parliament, with Labor suffering from large losses in Queensland and New South Wales, but not a large enough swing to the Coalition [Liberals(*) and Nationals] to enable them to govern outright.

[(*) the Liberals in Australia, just to confuse you, are the conservative party; Labor, which dropped the 'u' sometime in times past, is the traditional left-leaning party: though in this election there has been precious little as I saw it to distinguish them -- a race, and a dull one, to the middle.]

Voting is compulsory here [you are fined if you do not, or at least do not turn up] and there was a large queue when I got to my old high school to vote just after 8am. You have your name checked off and you are given your Senate [large white] and House of Representatives [small green] and off you go to the cardboard voting booths [yes, they are not closed off] where a pencil awaits and off you go. As someone who votes ‘below-the-line’ in the Senate [numbering all 84 candidates rather than giving a 1 to a party/group above the line and letting them decide where preferences go should they have enough votes] it took me a while but I like to do it. Being in a safe Labor seat my House of Representatives vote does not mean as much. The rest of the day was spent with my Godfather and his family, of which more later in the week; and the night spent watching the ABC‘s election coverage.

The next few days will be interesting at least… With the UK being in a similar position it will be interesting to see what deals are done, and if in fact any deals can be done.

As Bernard Keane, a correspondent for Crikey, wrote today, we are blessed here with our Australian Electoral Commission (AEC); votes are counted efficiency and with great care; particularly given we use paper and pencil, seemingly behind many other countries who go to electronic means. But then, as he writes, the AEC does it well and I agree with his sentiments entirely:

… the AEC has yet again demonstrated why it is the best electoral outfit in the world, running a very close election with expedition, efficiency and integrity. There are always hiccups, but when you see how it’s done in comparable countries, you can only be amazed at how well the AEC does it.

It is one of our finest public institutions.

Troparion – Tone 1:
In giving birth you preserved your virginity,
In falling asleep you did not forsake the world, O Theotokos.
You were translated to life, O Mother of Life,
And by your prayers, you deliver our souls from death.

Kontakion – Tone 2:
Neither the tomb, nor death could hold the Theotokos,
Who is constant in prayer and our firm hope in her intercessions.
For being the Mother of Life,
She was translated to life by the One who dwelt in her virginal womb.

Tomorrow [15th] is the The Dormition (Falling Asleep) of the Theotokos, one of the 12 Great Feasts of the Orthodox Church. As Fr Thomas Hopko writes in his series of books on the Orthodox Faith [available on the web here], ‘…there are no biblical or historical sources for this feast. The Tradition of the Church is that Mary died as all people die, not “voluntarily” as her Son, but by the necessity of her mortal human nature which is indivisibly bound up with the corruption of this world.’ He also writes a wonderful explanation of the meaning of this feast as well as a part of the doctrine of Mary within the Orthodox Church:

Thus, the feast of the Dormition of the Theotokos is the celebration of the fact that all men are “highly exalted” in the blessedness of the victorious Christ, and that this high exaltation has already been accomplished in Mary the Theotokos. The feast of the Dormition is the sign, the guarantee, and the celebration that Mary’s fate is, the destiny of all those of “low estate” whose souls magnify the Lord, whose spirits rejoice in God the Saviour, whose lives are totally dedicated to hearing and keeping the Word of God which is given to men in Mary’s child, the Saviour and Redeemer of the world.

As with all the Great Feasts, today is the Forefeast of the Dormition of the Theotokos, which has its own hymns; here is one of them:
In faith, O you people, leap for joy while clapping your hands;
and gather in gladness on this day with longing and shout in radiant jubilance.
For the Theotokos comes nigh to departing from the earth unto the heights;
and we glorify her with glory as the Mother of God in our unceasing hymns.

A blessed Feast to all!

After a few days visiting friends in northern Germany, then heading off to, after 9 years waiting!, see the Oberammergau Passion Play, I will head off to Syria and Lebanon for 3 weeks from early October. Through the, alebit 1990s, entertaining and informative Cadogan Guide to Syria & Lebanon by Michael Haag, a quick look through the not-as-entertaining-or-humorous, though more up-to-date and useful travel-wise, Lonely Planet Guide to Syria & Lebanon, to John at Notes from a Common-place Book‘s 2008 journey through the Middle East [and he is currently writing on his trip to Greece and the Balkans -- if you love travel you should read his posts: he is a traveller in the true sense and writes most wonderfully and engagingly] and a few internet searches, to the imminent arrival from the wondrous Book Depository of Ross Burns’ Monuments of Syria and Footprint’s Syria Handbook by Jessica Lee, I have an idea of what I want to see and how to get there. Very much looking forward to it.

Life has been good, thanks be to God: busy, rather busy, but good. While there have been a few hiccoughs, they have been manageable; and there have been plenty of blessings along the way too which I hope to share as time allows.

I do pray all is well with all of you; and for those of you with blogs I hope, next week, to be able to catch up on all that is happening in your world.